Abide

I’m trying to track down what you’re telling me.

I’m jumping ahead without being prepared.

Before I can lead, I must learn to be led.

I don’t yet understand your grace for me,

Who I am in it,

How that manifests in me.

I’m not looking for knowledge here,

But a deep understanding in my knower.

Many things I know, you’ve shown me,

But I’m missing pieces that strangle me and make me ineffective.

Your grace on me- what does that even mean?

To cease striving, to abide,

To be centered in thanks,

This is what I’m missing and what I seek.

I need to find your presence apart from doing

Because I am such a fixer and a doer,

And my identity is still entangled in my performance for you.

Father, teach me the unforced rhythms of grace.

I want to get it – I don’t.

I can give it, but I don’t receive it.

I’m always striving – to be brave, to be bold, to step out without fear –

All good, all part of what I see as a call on my life,

But only free people can truly free people,

And I’m not free from my striving – not yet.

I don’t want to ever be convinced that I’m brave.

Teach me to abide inside grace.

So please silence the DO IT NOW, WHAT IF THIS, of the enemy.

I hear your call and I’m listening,

But it needs to come from a different space, or it will corrupt and enslave.

Lord, teach me a different kind of brave.

Teach me to abide inside your grace.

Your Sister, Kimber